00:00

BACKGROUND: [Long Timpani drumroll]

CAP: Chicka And now, Chicka for everyone’s Chicka favorite trimonthly Chicka podcast game Chicka show…

BACKGROUND: [Theme music]

CAP: …Animalia Chicka Fake!

BACKGROUND: [Drumroll ends] [Music picks up]

CROWD: {Cheers/Applauds in background}

CAP: Chicka The game Chicka show about Chicka animal facts.

SOUNDS: [Animal sounds]

CAP: Chicka We’re your Chicka announcers… Chicka Cap…

CHET: …Chicka and Chet!

SOUNDS: [Airhorns]

CHET: With airhorns: Chicka Peeoo peeoo Chicka peeoo peeoo!

CAP: …Chicka And here’s Chicka your host…

CROWD: {Quiets}

CAP: …Chicka Devon!

CROWD: {Cheers/Applauds in background}

DEVON: Hello, thank you, thank you very much. I am your host, Devon, and this is Animalia Fake!: The game show about animal facts. If this is your first AF!, no, you are not on the wrong podcast, this is still Kingdom: Animalia - A Zoology Podcast for Kids. But this is our game show which we do every third month. Now, I don’t know about you, but I want to start! …the! …game!

CROWD: {Quiets}

BACKGROUND: [Music ends]

DEVON: Before we begin, I have to clear some things up and apologize.

BACKGROUND: [Look Busy starts]

DEVON: If you listened to episode nine before September thirtieth, you heard the riddle that starts with “I hold the non-human record of knowing the most English words,” which is the wrong riddle because we had to do a last minute switch for episode eleven. So the episode that that riddle was for is going to be episode thirteen and this episode is what was originally going to be episode thirteen. In short: episode eleven and thirteen swapped. I can tell you the reason why in that episode, which will be in November. I have now re-recorded the riddle so that episode nine has the correct riddle. To hear it, you can go back to episode nine at forty-three and a half minutes in or head over to the riddle page of our website at kingdomanimaliapod.com/riddle.

SOUNDS: [Chicken Dinosaur] [Pigeon Dinosaur]

DEVON: What were those sounds? They sounded prehistoric! That’s because today’s category is…

SOUNDS: [Short Timpani Drumroll]

DEVON: …Dinosaurs (…and other prehistoric life).

SOUNDS: [Ta-da!]

DEVON: Creatures that lived long ago. Now I’m going to hand it over to Cap, to tell you the rules.

CAP: Chicka Thank you, Chicka Devon.

BACKGROUND: [Look Busy fades out] [Theme music]

CAP: Chicka Every episode, Chicka there are Chicka THREE rounds, Chicka every round Chicka there are Chicka FOUR outrageous Chicka animal facts, Chicka and ONE Chicka of them Chicka is so Chicka outrageous it’s Chicka an <reverb><Animalia Chicka Fake!> Chicka It’s not Chicka true! Chicka If you Chicka guess it Chicka right, you Chicka get a Chicka point!

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

CAP: Chicka But if Chicka you get Chicka it wrong… Chicka If you Chicka get it Chicka wrong… Chicka Absolutely nothing Chicka will happen Chicka and we Chicka definitely won’t Chicka feed you Chicka to the Chicka bloodthirsty Tyrannosaurus Chicka we keep Chicka in the Chicka back and Chicka let the Chicka Velociraptors pick Chicka through your Chicka bones.

DEVON: That is wrong on so many levels—ethical and logical. That definitely won’t happen.

CAP: Chicka Anywho… Chicka If you Chicka want to Chicka keep score Chicka and play Chicka along at Chicka home, you Chicka can try Chicka to be “Chicka cool and Chicka retro” by Chicka using a Chicka piece of Chicka paper, an Chicka online note, Chicka etc., or Chicka accept the Chicka modern ways Chicka of doing Chicka things and Chicka download the Chicka new and Chicka improved, <official Chicka Animalia Fake! Chicka Scoresheet> by Chicka clicking the Chicka link in Chicka the show Chicka notes or Chicka by clicking Chicka the button Chicka on the Chicka page for Chicka this episode Chicka which is Chicka at…

DEVON: …kingdomanimaliapod.com/animaliafake/dinos.

CAP: Chicka Thank you, Chicka Devon. Chicka And that Chicka is all.

DEVON: Thank you, Cap, for the rules of the game, and now onto round one!

SOUNDS: [Ding-ding 2]

DEVON: Let’s take it away, Chet and Cap!

BACKGROUND: [Question music starts]

CAP: Chicka Is the Chicka Animalia Fake Chicka A),..

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: Possibly the largest ever species of frog, the Beelzebufo ampinga, now extinct, grew almost as long as an adult’s forearm and weighed almost as much as a bowling ball!

CHET: Chicka Or is Chicka it B),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: Dinosaurs are reptiles, as you might know. But what you probably didn’t know is that birds, like Chet and Cap, are dinosaurs… meaning… BIRDS ARE REPTILES, TOO!!!

CROWD: {Gasps}

DEVON: You heard right, birds are reptiles, just like crocodiles and lizards!

CAP: Chicka Or is Chicka it C),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: Fifty-three to zero point one million years ago in Africa roamed the carnivorous ostrich-sized Horror Bird.

CHET: Chicka Or is Chicka it D),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: Pterosaurs, the arial reptiles closely related to dinosaurs (but not actually dinosaurs), had giant head crests—from dagger blades to fans, from snout crests to disks, from ridges to sails!

BACKGROUND: [Music ends]

DEVON: Alrighty then! I’ll give you the usual fifteen seconds to think of your final answer. Your time starts… Now!

BACKGROUND: [Fifteen second timer with thinking music]

 

+00:15

 

SOUNDS: [Timer sounds]

DEVON: Time’s up! It’s time for the big reveal. The Animalia Fake of round one was…

SOUNDS: [Short Timpani Drumroll]

DEVON: C), Fifty-three to zero point one million years ago in Africa roamed the carnivorous ostrich-sized Horror Bird.

SOUNDS: [Ding-ding-ding]

BACKGROUND: [Answer music starts]

CROWD: {Cheers for a little while in the background}

DEVON: It was partially a play on words—fifty-three to zero point one million years ago there did live an ostrich-sized carnivorous bird, but they weren’t called Horror Birds, they were called Terror Birds! Additionally, they didn’t live in Africa; they actually lived in South America. So that means that the possibly the largest ever frog was the now-extinct Beelzebufo ampinga who grew to almost the length of an adult’s forearm and weighed almost as much as a bowling ball (they lived on the island of Madagascar in the Late Cretaceous. They were quite aggressive and bold, even going as far as eating baby dinos with their huge mouths! This earning them the names “Devil Frog”, “Devil Toad”, and, this being a kids’ podcast, let’s just say “The Frog from,”…, “Heck”); birds are indeed reptiles; and pterosaurs did have huge head crests (scientists have a handful of theories of why they have them including to help them tell apart species, attract mates, regulate body heat, serve as a rudder in flight, or serve as a keel (basically an underwater rudder) when diving into or skimming the water for food.) If you got it right, mark off your first point.

BACKGROUND: [Music ends]

DEVON: Now it’s time for round two!

SOUNDS: [Ding-ding 2]

DEVON: Announce away, Chet and Cap!

BACKGROUND: [Question music starts]

CHET: Chicka Is the Chicka Animalia Fake Chicka A),..

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: Scientists once thought the Brachiosaurus was aquatic because they believed that such a large animal would weigh too much to support themself on land, plus they had nostrils on the top of their head, which the scientists interpreted as snorkels.

CAP: Chicka Or is Chicka it B),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: Unlike the Velociraptors featured in “Jurassic Park” who were large, scaly monsters that hunted in packs using their curved claws to slash apart their prey; they actually weighed less than the average adult human, were covered in feathers, and, what less people know to be false, they likely hunted alone and used their claws to grip, not slash.

CHET: Chicka Or is Chicka it C),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: Archaeopteryx, the first avian (bird) dinosaur, could fly up to fifteen yards or fourteen meters at a time.

CAP: Chicka Or is Chicka it D),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: The skull of the Pachycephalosaurus (an herbivorous dinosaur) could be up to nine inches or twenty-three centimeters thick! For reference, human skulls are at most only point three inches or seven millimeters!

BACKGROUND: [Music ends] [Theme music starts]

DEVON: Animalia Fake! will be back with the answer, some jokes, and round three right after a quick break. Don’t go anywhere.

CROWD: {Applauds a bit}

BACKGROUND: [Music fades out quickly]

CHET: Chicka Let’s take Chicka this time Chicka to thank Chicka our sponsor.

BACKGROUND: [Sponsor music]

CHET: Chicka Animalia Fake! Chicka is sponsored Chicka by Dino- Chicka -Chicken Yoga®. Chicka Are you Chicka a bird, Chicka like me? Chicka Do you Chicka want to Chicka embrace your Chicka dinosaur heritage? Chicka At Dino- Chicka -Chicken Yogo®, Chicka you can Chicka embrace your Chicka inner Tyrannosaurus. Chicka You can Chicka get weekly Chicka sessions with Chicka a personal Chicka instructor leading Chicka you in Chicka exercises proven Chicka to bring Chicka out your Chicka inner T. Chicka rex. Chicka Take this Chicka from a Chicka satisfied customer, Chicka I’ve been Chicka taking sessions Chicka for a Chicka month now Chicka and that Chicka squirrel at Chicka the neighborhood Chicka bird feeder Chicka thinks twice Chicka before trying Chicka to take Chicka the seeds Chicka for themself Chicka now. Chicka Go to Chicka dinochicken(Chicka).org(Chicka)/animalia(Chicka)fake to Chicka get your Chicka first session Chicka free. Chicka That’s dino(Chicka)chicken.(Chicka)org/(Chicka)animaliafake Chicka to get Chicka one hundred Chicka percent off Chicka your first Chicka session. Chicka Dino-Chicken Chicka Yoga®: Embrace Chicka your inner Chicka Tyrannosaurus.

BACKGROUND: [Music ends] [Theme music]

CROWD: {Cheers in background}

DEVON: Welcome back to Animalia Fake!: The game show about animal facts. I’m your host, Devon,…

CAP: …Chicka and we’re Chicka your announcers, Chicka Cap,…

CHET: …Chicka and Chet!

BACKGROUND: [Music fades out]

CROWD: {Quiets}

DEVON: Before the break, we left you with a dangling question: Is the Animalia Fake…

BACKGROUND: [Question music]

CHET: …Chicka A),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: Scientists once thought the Brachiosaurus was aquatic because they believed that such a large animal would weigh too much to support themself on land, plus they had nostrils on the top of their head, which the scientists interpreted as snorkels.

CAP: Chicka Or is Chicka it B),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: Unlike the Velociraptors featured in “Jurassic Park” who were large, scaly monsters that hunted in packs using their curved claws to slash apart their prey; they actually weighed less than the average human, were covered in feathers, and, what less people know to be false, they likely hunted alone and used their claws to grip, not slash!

CHET: Chicka Or is Chicka it C),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: Archaeopteryx, the first avian (bird) dinosaur, could fly up to fifteen yards or fourteen meters at a time.

CAP: Chicka Or is Chicka it D),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: The skull of the Pachycephalosaurus (an herbivorous dinosaur) could be up to nine inches or twenty-three centimeters thick! For reference, human skulls are at most only point three inches or seven millimeters!

BACKGROUND: [Music ends]

DEVON: Okey-dokey! I’ll give you the traditional fifteen seconds to think of your final answer. Your time starts… Now!

BACKGROUND: [Fifteen second timer with thinking music]

 

+00:15

 

SOUNDS: [Timer sounds]

DEVON: Your fifteen seconds are up! One could say they’ve gone extinct!

SOUNDS: [Rimshot]

CROWD: {Laughs}

DEVON: Alright. *Ahem*. The Animalia Fake of round two was…

SOUNDS: [Short Timpani Drumroll]

DEVON: C), Archaeopteryx, the first avian dinosaur, could fly up to fifteen yards or fourteen meters at a time.

SOUNDS: [Ding-ding-ding]

BACKGROUND: [Answer music starts]

CROWD: {Cheers for a little while in the background}

DEVON: It was partially a lie and partially playing off of a misconception. The lie is the flight part: Archaeopteryx likely could only glide low over the ground for short bursts when escaping predators, as opposed to later birds who could fly. Secondly, Archaeopteryx is thought of by many as the first bird, but recently paleontologists (fossil scientists) have found evidence that there could have been earlier avian dinos. So this means that scientists used to think the Brachiosaurus was a water dinosaur because they thought such a heavy animal wouldn’t be able to hold up their body on land and their noses looked like they could have been snorkels (two theories explaining their noses are to give them a good sense of smell or to provide surface area for air to cool, allowing them to keep cool while eating above the shade of the trees they eat); Velociraptors really were hundred pound or forty-five kilogram feathery solo-hunters who only used their curved claws for grip (“Jurassic Park” actually based their Velociraptors, not after them, but Deinonychus antirrhopus, a much larger relative of theirs, probably because they didn’t want their scary dinos to be thirteen-year-old-sized feather-balls); and Pachycephalosaurs had skulls as thick as a straight banana would be long (scientists have long thought this reinforced skull was for headbutting, reinforced itself by scars on fossils, other research has shown that their neck wouldn’t be strong enough withhold in a hit, along with this is the theory that the head dome may have been for attracting mates, though that doesn’t really explain the thickness). Mark off a point if you got it right.

BACKGROUND: [Music ends] [Standup With Chet entrance sting]

DEVON: You know what this means. It’s time for Standup… With Chet.

CROWD: {Cheers in background}

CHET: Chicka Hello! Chicka Hello! Chicka Thank you, Chicka thank you Chicka very much.

BACKGROUND: [Sting ends]

CROWD: {Quiets}

CHET: Chicka I’m here Chicka to tell Chicka you three Chicka jokes that Chicka relate to Chicka the category.

CROWD: {Cheers a bit}

CHET: Chicka Let’s begin Chicka before an Chicka asteroid wipes Chicka us out.

CROWD: {Laughs a bit}

CHET: Chicka Oh, wait, Chicka I think Chicka I’m confusing Chicka us with Chicka someone else.

CROWD: {Laughs a bit}

CHET: Chicka Let’s begin. Chicka Here’s joke Chicka number one: Chicka Why didn’t Chicka the T. Chicka rex cross Chicka the road? Chicka Did you Chicka expect there Chicka to be Chicka any roads Chicka sixty-six Chicka million years Chicka ago?

SOUNDS: [Rimshot]

CROWD: {Laughs}

CHET: Chicka Now joke Chicka number two: (Chicka To be Chicka clear first, Chicka MY- Chicka -A stands Chicka for Million Chicka Years Ago. Chicka Here we Chicka go) Chicka Dinosaur Diary:“(Chicka) Date: sixty- (Chicka) -six M- (Chicka) -YA.“(Chicka) Dear Diary, (Chicka) Today was (Chicka) awesome! (Chicka) The absolute (Chicka) best! (Chicka) I feel (Chicka) like I (Chicka) could live (Chicka) forever! (Chicka) In other (Chicka) news, the (Chicka) large space (Chicka) object has (Chicka) moved closer.”

SOUNDS: [Rimshot]

CROWD: {Laughs}

CHET: Chicka Now for Chicka my final Chicka joke. Chicka Here we Chicka go: T. (Chicka) Rex 1: “…” 

SOUNDS: [Crickets sound effects]

CHET: Chicka Oh wait, Chicka they’re extinct. Chicka They can’t Chicka say anything.

SOUNDS: [Rimshot]

CROWD: {Laughs}

BACKGROUND: [Standup With Chet exit sting]

CHET: Chicka Oop! Chicka That’s my Chicka time!

CROWD: {Applauds in background}

CHET: Chicka I’ll see Chicka you next Chicka time for Chicka Standup… With Chicka Chet! Chicka Better scram Chicka before the Chicka asteroid hits!

CROWD: {Quiets}

BACKGROUND: [Sting ends]

SOUNDS: [Asteroid hit]

DEVON: Okay. It’s time for round three!…

SOUNDS: [Ding-ding 2]

DEVON: …The final round. If you’ve gotten it right so far, this is the make or break moment. Here we go.

BACKGROUND: [Question music starts]

CAP: Chicka Is the Chicka Animalia Fake Chicka A),..

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: The largest ever turtle, the now extinct Giant Sea Turtle, weighed as much as a standard city bus.

CHET: Chicka Or is Chicka it B),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: Three hundred million years ago, dragonflies grew to the size of modern day gulls because if they were any smaller they would get oxygen poisoning!

CAP: Chicka Or is Chicka it C),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 1]

DEVON: The largest ever dinosaur, the Argentinosaurus (yes, they lived in modern day Argentina), weighed up to as much ten elephants!

CHET: Chicka Or is Chicka it D),…

SOUNDS: [Ding 2]

DEVON: Though today the elephant is the largest land mammal, believe it or not, the largest land mammal to ever live wasn’t the mammoth but the Giant Rhino which weighed in at over twenty tons!

BACKGROUND: [Music ends]

DEVON: Mmm… This is a tricky one. As I will until we go the way of the non-avian dinosaurs, I’ll give you fifteen seconds to think of your final answer. Your time starts… Now!

BACKGROUND: [Fifteen second timer with thinking music]

 

+00:15

 

SOUNDS: [Timer sounds]

DEVON: Time’s up! It’s time for the reveal. The Animalia Fake of round three was…

SOUNDS: [Short Timpani Drumroll]

DEVON: A), The largest ever turtle, the now extinct Giant Sea Turtle, weighed as much as a standard city bus.

SOUNDS: [Ding-ding-ding]

BACKGROUND: [Answer music starts]

CROWD: {Cheers for a little while in the background}

DEVON: There was no such thing as a “Giant Sea Turtle” which weighed as much as a bus. Instead, the largest ever turtle was Archelon ischyros, only weighing as much as a pickup truck. So this means that dragonflies and other insects grew so big because if they didn’t they would get oxygen poisoning (Here’s the breakdown: According to some research, oxygen has stronger effects on the larvae. During the Carboniferous period, when giant dragonflies and cockroaches roamed, a rise in vast lowland swamp forests caused oxygen (AKA O2) levels in the air to be fifty percent higher than in the present day. This oxygen then dissolved into the water where dragonfly larvae lived. According to studies on stonefly larvae, which live in the water before becoming adults just like dragonfly larvae, are highly sensitive to oxygen changes unlike their adult forms, likely because insect larvae absorb O2 through their skin, giving them no control of how much of it they take in. Adults, breathing through holes in their bodies, don’t have this problem. Oxygen can be poisonous in high quantities—humans exposed to too much of it suffer all sorts of problems. Since they couldn’t control the amount of oxygen they took in, one way to keep from getting poisoned by too much O2 is to grow bigger. If they’re bigger, they absorb less oxygen relative to their body size; say you’re pouring water into a glass and the water is overflowing. If you can’t pour in less water, one way to keep it from overflowing would be to get a bigger glass); the Argentinosaurus did weigh as much as ten elephants, at up to seventy-five tons; and the largest ever land mammal was indeed the Giant Rhino. Mark off your point, correct guessers!

BACKGROUND: [Music ends]

DEVON: Okay. It’s the time we’ve all been waiting for. All of our winning contestants—those who got all three rounds correct—will win a…

BACKGROUND: [Short Timpani drumroll]

DEVON: …T. rex garden gnome!

SOUNDS: [Ta-da!]

CROWD: {Cheers in background}

DEVON: Have you ever wished that you could replace the boring old garden gnomes in your yard? Have you wanted to have a ferocious Tyrannosaurus rex guard your home? Well now, if you won, you can get your very own. Just show us your winning scoresheet and pick one up at the exit after the outro.

CHET: Chicka But wait!

CROWD: {Gasps}

CHET: Chicka You don’t Chicka have to Chicka wait until Chicka after the Chicka outro!

DEVON: Not again, Chet. The contract says no prize-launching war weapons period, now.

CHET: Chicka Oh, but Chicka I’m not Chicka using a Chicka prize-launching Chicka war weapon, Chicka I’m using Chicka a prize- Chicka -launching hose!

DEVON: A what?

CHET: Chicka A giant Chicka souped-up Chicka garden hose Chicka that launches Chicka prizes.

DEVON: Oh, no…

CHET: Chicka Oh, yes!…

DEVON: …yet another loophole…

CHET: …Chicka yet another Chicka loophole!

DEVON: It’s like all of our Contracts Specialists are trying to make these for you.

CHET: Chicka I wonder Chicka why…

DEVON: Please no, Chet…

CHET: Chicka Turn on Chicka the faucet…

SOUNDS: [Faucet crank] [Objects going through hose]

CHET: Chicka Spray!

SOUNDS: [Prize-launching-hose sprays]

CHET: Chicka Ho ho!

SOUNDS: [Prizes falling]

CROWD: {Screams}

DEVON: Alright, everyone stay calm! Just move calmly to the exits and collect your prize if you won—they’re boxed up, so they shouldn’t be broken—while I do the outro.

CROWD: {Slowly quiets in background}

BACKGROUND: [Theme music]

DEVON: Alrighty then. Animalia Fake! is a production of Kingdom: Animalia - A Zoology Podcast for Kids, a Kingdom: Animalia Podcasts podcast. You can download the official Animalia Fake! scoresheet to play along next time at kingdomanimaliapod.com/animaliafake. You can read the transcript and check my works cited using the links in the show notes or on the page for this episode which is at kingdomanimaliapod.com/animaliafake/dinos.

CROWD: {Cheers/Applauds in background}

DEVON: You can send in questions, episode suggestions (including for Animalia Fake! categories), and riddle guesses to our email, contact@kingdomanimaliapod.com, or use the contact form on our website which is at kingdomanimaliapod.com/contact. Again, you can refresh your memory on what the riddle for episode twelve is by going to kingdomanimaliapod.com/riddle. I’m your host, Devon, and your announcers are Chet and Cap Chickadee. So, until next time, keep learning the TRUTH about this amazing Kingdom:… Animalia. … And please, please do not launch garden gnomes that look like prehistoric theropods through giant garden hoses! Bye!

 

CHET: Chicka Let those Chicka garden gnomes Chicka fly!

- Ends -

AMNH. “Flying Colors: Pterosaurs’ Crests.” American Museum of Natural History, 13 May 2014, www.amnh.org/explore/news-blogs/on-exhibit-posts/flying-colors-pterosaurs-crests.

Britannica Kids Team. “Brachiosaurus.” Britannica Kids, kids.britannica.com/students/article/Brachiosaurus/310341.

Hasik, Adam. “Birds Are Reptiles.” Ecology for the Masses, 14 Jan. 2019, ecologyforthemasses.com/2019/01/14/birds-are-reptiles.

Hilfrank, Elizabeth. “Brachiosaurus.” National Geographic Kids, kids.nationalgeographic.com/animals/prehistoric/facts/brachiosaurus.

Mancini, Mark. “10 Bone-Headed Facts About Pachycephalosaurus.” Mental Floss, 17 Aug. 2014, www.mentalfloss.com/article/58415/10-bone-headed-facts-about-pachycephalosaurus.

McKeever, Amy. “Why Velociraptors Are Among the Most Misunderstood Dinosaurs.” National Geographic, 18 Nov. 2020, www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/velociraptor.

Metcalfe, Tom. “Fossils of Giant Rhinos Found in China, Largest Land Mammals Ever.” NBC News, 17 June 2021, www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/new-fossils-giant-rhinos-largest-land-mammals-ever-are-found-china-rcna1213.

National Geographic Team. “Pachycephalosaurus Wyomingensis.” National Geographic, www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/facts/pachycephalosaurus-wyomingensis.

National Geographic Team. “Devil Frog.” National Geographic, www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/facts/devil-frog.

Psaradelis, Sarah. “Argentinosaurus.” AZ Animals, edited by AZ Animals Staff, 2 Nov. 2022, a-z-animals.com/animals/argentinosaurus.

Than, Ker. “Why Giant Bugs Once Roamed the Earth.” National Geographic, National Geographic News, 9 Aug. 2011, www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/110808-ancient-insects-bugs-giants-oxygen-animals-science.