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INTRO SEQUENCE:

KINGDOM: ANIMALIA PODCASTS STING

INTRO THEME

THEME MUSIC continues in background

DEVON

Hello everybody, it’s me, Devon,…

CAP

…Chicka Me, Cap,…

CHET

…Chicka And me, Chicka Chet.

DEVON

Unfortunately, this is not a full episode. We’re mostly just here to say you’ll have to wait a little longer for the next episode.

CHET+CAP

Chicka Ugh.

DEVON

The thing is the episode we gave you the riddle for is going to be part of a 3-part series—which includes an interview—so there’s that… and homework…

CHET

Chicka Just hurry it up, Chicka already!

DEVON

Excuse me, are you the one writing the scripts?

CHET

Chicka No…

DEVON

Making the cover art?

CHET

Chicka No…

DEVON

Editing the recordings? Making the memory quizzes? The show notes? The webpages? I could go on.

CHET

(Defeated tone)

Chicka No.

DEVON

Okay then. As another thing that took up time, we revamped the podcast cover for the show to look less simplistic and more accurate.

CAP

Chicka Wait a second… CHICKA YOU GOT RID OF CHICKA US!

BUM, BUM, BUMMM!

DEVON

Sorry, guys, it just makes more sense for the cover art to be a bunch of different species of animals! If it’s just you two, it looks like it’s just about chickadees!

CAP

Chicka But it is just about Chicka chickadees!

DEVON

I just walked right into that one, didn’t I?

CHET

Chicka Yup.

DEVON

Okay, we’re getting off-track. Because April first is coming up, the miniseries is being postponed so the next episode can be the (reverb) Kingdom: Animalia April Fools 2024 special episode. (normal) That means there will be 5 unbelievable animals…

FIVE DINGS

DEVON (CONT’D)

…one I just made up…

WRONG BUZZER

DEVON (CONT’D)

…and you’ll have to guess which is which.

MYSTERY DETECTIVE STING

DEVON

But while you wait, we have a little something for you to pass the time. Enjoy.

SNAP

MUSIC fades out

STANDUP WITH CHET INTRO SEQUENCE:

Sound of mic getting hit

STANDUP WITH CHET ENTRANCE CUE

CHET

Chicka Hello, everybody! Chicka It’s the time you’ve all Chicka been waiting for.. Chicka The sole reason you’re listening Chicka to this rinky dink ol’ Chicka podcast… Chicka You came for it, Chicka you’re staying for it… Chicka Yes it’s time again for Chicka Standup… With Chet!

MUSIC PICKS UP

CROWD

(Cheers in background)

CHET

Chicka Hello, hello, welcome Chicka everyone. Chicka Larks and gentle-godwits; Chicka you’ve asked for him, Chicka you’ve begged for him, Chicka it’s the bird who’s Chicka the word: Chicka Chet Chickadee! Chicka I’m here with three Chicka jokes to keep you entertained because Devon is Chicka taking forever with the episode Chicka production.

DEVON

(In distance and over a crackly radio)

(Pretends to cough)

CHET

Chicka I mean takes his time to Chicka make great episode content! Chicka Actually, it’ll give Cap Chicka and I more time to pl--Chicka I mean totally not plot a Chicka takeover.

CROWD

(Laughs quietly)

CHET

Chicka So here we go. Chicka Three animal jokes to raise your Chicka spirits.

MUSIC ENDS

CROWD

(Quiets)

CHET

Chicka So last week I was flying over the ocean when Chicka I came across two Chicka cetaceans (cetaceans are whales, porpoises, and Chicka dolphins). Chicka Turns out they were playing hide-and-(Chicka)seek. Chicka After a while, when the Chicka seeker still couldn’t find the Chicka other, they started crying. Chicka I felt so bad for Chicka them! Chicka They had just lost their Chicka porpoise in life!

CROWD

(Laughs)

RIMSHOT

CHET

Chicka Thank you. Chicka My porpoise is to Chicka please!

CROWD

(Laughs harder)

RIMSHOT

CHET

Chicka Yeah, they should Chicka probably see a therapist. Chicka Let’s continue. Chicka So while I was flying Chicka over the water, I also saw this Chicka flock of geese migrating, Chicka okay? Chicka So—Chicka for the record, I wasn’t eavesdropping or Chicka anything…

CROWD

(Laughs quietly)

CHET

…Chicka So while I was’t eavesdropping, Chicka I heard these two geese Chicka talking. Chicka One was saying how sad they Chicka were that they had to leave their Chicka home.

CROWD

(Aww)

CHET

Chicka I know, it was terrible. Chicka Things were really going Chicka south.

CROWD

(Laughs)

RIMSHOT

CHET

Chicka Okay. Chicka Last one. Chicka So this question’s been rattling Chicka around in my brain for a while and I Chicka finally got to Chicka Googling it. Chicka Has that ever happened Chicka to you? Chicka Where you had a question you really wanted answered, Chicka but never got to Chicka looking--Chicka nevermind. Chicka So here’s the question: Chicka How do slugs communicate Chicka over long distances? Chicka Turns out, Chicka they use Chicka snail mail!

CROWD

(Laughs)

RIMSHOT

STANDUP WITH CHET EXIT CUE

CHET

Chicka Alright. Chicka That’s almost my Chicka time. Chicka Thanks for coming for Standup… Chicka With Chet.

CROWD

(Cheers/Applauds in background)

CHET

Chicka Those are all of my Chicka jokes, Chicka but since I’m Chicka here, Devon’s asked me Chicka to do the podcast Chicka outro. Chicka So buckle up.

CROWD

(Slowly quiets down in background)

MUSIC TEMPO changes

CHET

Chicka If you want to read this Chicka episode’s transcript, you can click the Chicka link in the show notes or Chicka go to the page for this episode Chicka which is at Chicka kingdomanimaliapod.com/ka/messagesandstandup.

Chicka The Standup With Chet theme is by--Chicka am I reading this Chicka right? Chicka “The amazing Blue Dot [Chicka] Sessions”? Chicka Can humans even be Chicka amazing?

DEVON

(In distance and over a crackly radio sounding annoyed)

Chet…

CHET

Chicka Fine. Chicka The Standup With Chicka Chet theme is by the Chicka amazing-for-a-human-band Chicka Blue Dot Sessions, Chicka on the web at Chicka www.sessions.blue. Chicka If you want to help support us in Chicka making great shows, just Chicka tell someone else Chicka about us! Chicka Tell your Chicka friends! Chicka Your teacher! Chicka Even that pigeon that comes to Chicka your feeder every third Chicka Wednesday

ENTRANCE MUSIC dissolves into…

SCARY MUSIC (DRAMATIC DRONE)

CHET (CONT’D)

(progressively darkens)

and stares deep into your Chicka soul! Chicka Yeah, she knows you ate Chicka all of those french fries without Chicka offering her any.

Goes back to OUTRO MUSIC

CHET

Chicka If you want to go the extra mile, Chicka you can support us in the costs of making our Chicka shows and get some cool benefits Chicka like second guesses to the riddle on Chicka Patreon at patreon.com/ChickadeePod. Chicka Wait, no, not yet. Chicka It’s still Chicka patreon.com/KingdomAnimaliaPodcasts (Chicka that’s podcasts Chicka plural).

Chicka You can contact us Chicka using our email, Chicka animals@kingdomanimaliapod.com, Chicka or the contact form Chicka on our website at Chicka kingdomanimaliapod.com/contact. Chicka You can use those Chicka to send in questions, Chicka episode suggestions, and guesses to Chicka the riddle.

Chicka You can refresh your memory Chicka at kingdomanimaliapod.com/riddle.

CROWD

(Cheers/Applauds in background)

CHET

Chicka Never miss an episode—Chicka and get cool Chicka network updates—Chicka by signing-up Chicka for our newsletter at Chicka  kingdomanimaliapod.com/newsletter. 

Chicka Oh, while Devon’s Chicka gone…

With two clicks, the OUTRO MUSIC switches to the ASK THE CHICKADEE BROTHERS THEME

CHET (CONT’D)

Chicka Send in questions for Chicka Cap and I that you Chicka want answered on the Chicka show! Chicka We’re going to kick off Chicka an “Ask the Chickadee Brothers” Chicka miniseries as soon as Chicka we get Chicka five to ten Chicka questions. Chicka Send them in as Chicka voice messages, Chicka contact forms, or emails at Chicka kingdomanimaliapod.com/acb.

DEVON

(In distance and over a crackly radio)

What was that, Chet?

HURRIEDLY, the sound of a RECORD SCRATCH, REWIND, and CLICK to switch back to the OUTRO MUSIC

CHET

(Hurriedly and nervious)

Chicka Nothing, nothing.

DEVON

(In distance and over a crackly radio)

(Sounding suspicious)

Okayy…

CHET

Chicka Okay. Chicka I’m not going to tell you to Chicka “explore this amazing Kingdom: Animalia” Chicka or anything, but I’ll see you next Chicka time for Chicka Standup… With Chet. Chicka Chet out.

MUSIC ENDS

- Ends -